I got Pfizer shot three on Sunday and felt chilly and achy and feverish all day yesterday. I don't think I've ever had a fever without some sort of respiratory or gastrointestinal unpleasantness to accompany it, so that was a novel sensation. Once work was done for the day and I was settled on the couch with a blanket that I could draw around me or toss off according to whim, it wasn't too bad.
Then I see today the hospitalization numbers in Texas are starting to edge up again and I...don't care? No, that's not accurate, I do care, quite a bit, but like most people I'm weary of this stupid show and would like to change the channel, please.
I remember feeling at the beginning of the pandemic that people who insisted on gathering despite the restrictions and the warnings were selfish assholes, and ok, they kinda were, but I've also come to realize that being around the people we love, who give us connection and energy and belonging, is not a luxury. We need each other. And so I desperately want the transmission numbers to stay low, so I can keep seeing the people I care about, and so those who are more vulnerable than most can go to work and school and meet their friends without too much anxiety. I would even like to go back to the office part time, although I have to say by now that the thought of getting dressed, driving downtown, and spending all day in an office building whether I'm needed there or not for five days a week now seems ludicrous.
I know I'm lucky. Like everyone, I've lost some things, mostly opportunities, to the pandemic, but I haven't lost anyone, and that is something to be grateful for. And in a lot of ways I'm able to participate in the things I like and care about again, and that is also something I am careful not to take for granted.
But limping along in this uncertain, not-yet-fully-formed new normal--man, it's exhausting, and I don't see an end to it any time soon. So in the meantime I will live my life as best I can, with some restrictions, and wear a KN95 if it feels prudent, and I will take every damn booster shot that's offered to me until my left arm falls off or the pandemic ends, whichever comes first.